Does the Fault Lie With Us?
Look at the age of accomplishment for past generations.
On July 4, 1776, Alexander Hamilton was 21, James Monroe was 18, James Madison was 25, Aaron Burr was 20, and Thomas Jefferson was 33. It would be more accurate to reference our Founding Fathers as “Founding Young Adults.”
In World War II, the average age of an American soldier was 26. For Marines, the average age was even lower.
In 1950, the median age for a first marriage in the U.S. was 20 for women and 22–23 for men.
Measuring Today’s Young Adults Against the Past
There is no question that many young adults aren’t measuring up. Many haven’t reached the milestones we worked so hard to achieve: a stable job by their early 20s, marriage and kids, home ownership or renting on their own, or a long-term career trajectory.
It must be our fault, somehow. Where did we fail them?
The Question Reveals the Answer
The answer lies in the question. Or, to be more specific, the answer is that we are even asking the question.
A Story About Helping Too Much
Ruth Zardo, a character in Louise Penny’s Gamache series, had a similar issue. She rescued two duck eggs and set out to hatch them.
The Duckling Lesson
When the first duckling began pecking out of its shell, Ruth helped it. But when the second duckling hatched, Ruth did not intervene. The first duckling died, but the second thrived.
Only then did Ruth realize that, by helping, she had inadvertently deprived the first duckling of developing its muscles by pecking and pushing to break free, leaving it too weak to survive.
How Overprotection Weakens Independence
Many in the older generation have made the same error. Every time we shield our kids from real-world trial and error, we cost them strength.
We intervene when we should stay out of it.
>We lower expectations instead of increasing challenges.
>We shave off the highs and the lows.
The Long-Term Effects of Coddling
The results are in from all of that coddling, and for many kids, they don’t look good. That puts much of the older generation in a conundrum.
If we failed them in the past, then we are probably still holding true to the pattern. We are still protecting them and trying to help them break out of their shell.
For their sakes, we have to stop.
Why This Matters Now: A Historic Wealth Transfer
Why? It’s all about the money.
Baby boomers hold over $85 trillion in assets. There will be a significant transfer of assets in the next several decades, and much of that will be passed on to the kids, ready or not.
They will have to take responsibility and make decisions.
>They will have to learn to handle success and failure.
>They will have to get out of the basement and off their computer.
>They will have to—gasp—work.
The Best Gift You Can Give Your Children and Grandchildren
You ask what gift you should give your kids and grandkids this holiday season. It is simple.
Take away the safety net.
Let them deal with consequences.
Let them grow up.
Estate Planning Without Enabling Dependence
Make an estate plan that will not ruin their lives. Don’t just hand them several million, thousands, or even hundreds of dollars without guardrails.
If you have a lot of money and they still have a lot of growing up to do, then set up a trust with guidelines and goals.
Building Responsibility Into the Plan
Gradually involve them in decision-making, but tie it to achieving their milestones, not yours.
A Holiday Opportunity to Set a New Course
Christmas and Hanukkah are marked by family celebrations that often bring generations together. Here is your opportunity to set a new course and give your kids and grandkids the best gift ever.
Their independence.
Conclusion: Give a Gift That Builds Independence, Not Dependence
Growing up has never been easy—but it has become harder when challenges are removed instead of faced. As this next generation prepares to inherit not just wealth, but responsibility, the choices made today will shape their ability to thrive tomorrow. True growth comes from effort, accountability, and learning through both success and failure.
Thoughtful estate planning can be one of the most meaningful ways to encourage independence rather than enable reliance. By putting clear structure, expectations, and safeguards in place, families can protect assets while also protecting future generations from the unintended consequences of too much, too soon.
At Hammerle Morris Law Firm, we help families design estate plans that reflect their values, support long-term growth, and prepare heirs for the responsibilities ahead. Schedule a consultation to discuss how trusts and other planning tools can help you pass on your legacy with intention.
Virginia Hammerle is an accredited estate planner and represents clients in estate planning, probate, guardianship, and contested litigation. She may be reached at legaltalktexas@hammerle.com. This blog contains general information only and does not constitute legal advice.
